It was not by choice or desire. I did not fit in the mold; no one of my stepsiblings claims me as one of their own. I did not get invited to participate in the sports, nor the classmates called my name. My attempts to blend in brought me more pain.
Along the school years, no group wanted me nearby— my lonely self-found content with faithful friends that got close along the way. At the time, I could not explain it. I understood it later; they were also experiencing lots of hurts.
My God always provides even at the time of extreme brokenness. Why did I have to endure so much rejection in this world? Without letting out what I have inside, the loneliness turned to sadness and, on many occasions, tones of grey.
Anger was never the answer until recently, when my heart grew tired of the selfish family behavior. My mind was at odds and disbelieved of others’ mean plots. My soul was changing with a feeling that wrecked the world I carefully created around myself. I acted quickly and stopped it in its track; hate will never solve my problems, not even once.
Unconditional love requires compromise and sacrifice. Let them keep what’s rightful mine. God has always provided all my wants and needs. Even my whims he fulfills without complaint. None of you were part of my childhood, my teenage years, or adult life; what makes you feel you can hurt my twilight years that seem so nearby?
I am above it all now; I gave up on you and found my purpose. God gave me a mom, my boys, and the grandkids to complete the mission for what He created me. I have the ones that are my tribe. You are no longer wanted, requested, needed, or even desired.
I still love you, even if it is from a distance. It is too late to tear down the fence that separated us along the way. You are to be found guilty of my childhood sorrows. You built a barrier so tall a little girl could not climb on her own. You let jealousy and lack of love for the baby girl that came to your house made her feel invisible as a ghost.
You also had a significant loss and your loneliness but made me your scapegoat. The Lord saw fit to provide me with a clan of my own to finish my days that seem every day closer to the end.