POR SI ME ADELANTO

Si el destino lo dispone y de esta tierra de incertidumbres me arrebata te dejo esta carta para que te quede de recuerdo. En ella mi corazón relata el agradecimiento del que en este caso te hago objeto. Veo en mi mente la imagen del chamaquito de Jagual corriendo la bicicleta para los encargos ir a buscar.

El camino seco, pedregoso y polvoriento te saluda mientras el verdor imponente de nuestra isla te abraza con dulzura. En la tiendita del barrio ya se acostumbraron a que llegarás apresurado y sudoroso con la notita de encargos debajo del brazo. Con el pequeño lápiz delineabas las necesidades del día que te dictaba la abuela o quien sabe esta vez fue su tía.

Así me contabas con detalle y no sé si con algún sentimiento de nostalgia y un poco de amargura. No estaba allí para presenciar estos hechos, pero puedo relatar lo que está historia provocó en mi forma de entender parte de tu vida. Cuando saliste de nuestra isla quizás nadie te dijo lo mucho que te apreciaban. Suele pasar, no lo tomes a mal. No es fácil abrirse al sentimiento.

Muy tarde llega el arrepentimiento para muchos que fracasaron sin siquiera hacer un intento. No quiero que llegue la despedida y que me pase a mí lo que le paso a ellos. Quiero decirte lo mucho que para mí significas y la influencia que ejerces en mi deseo de exponer mis propias historias de cuando era una niña. En mi mente vive hoy un gran cariño y eterno agradecimiento por aquel niñito que en un momento se pudo haber sentido huérfano.

Que la vida te recompense por todos tus sacrificios y te bendiga con muchos más logros. Gracias por tu amistad, tu dedicación y tu bondad. Lo quiero expresar una vez más por si me toca irme primero al más allá. No quiero que me pase contigo lo que me paso anoche mientras le daba el último adiós a quien en vida conmigo tan bien fue bueno.

Holding back is a vicious cycle

If maturity had come earlier, we all would have spoken our hearts sooner than later. We were shy, too insecure, or afraid of a dismissive reaction. We should have told someone, thank you, I love you, or I need you before it was too late. Instead, we grow older with those feelings hidden in our minds. I often think about what my unspoken words would have changed.

Maybe someone was waiting to know how I felt before taking a step closer. It is common in family dynamics. Everyone is guarding the heart against unnecessary pain, especially when we are young and don’t know how to open up about these matters of the heart. So many years lost is a tragedy.

We suppose we are the only ones afraid. I know that is not the case. I hope, is not too late for this message to reach someone in need of encouragement, no matter the age. Those lost opportunities prick our minds like a knife in the heart. No more chances are near or far.
Those we once loved then are not here, maybe, not even alive.

Lost opportunities to extend feelings we buried inside, worried about a cynical reaction. We live wondering if they ever knew how we feel. I know in my case, I feared rejection. Perhaps that’s why I always walked with a stern face, looking more secure than I am.

Maybe I gave them reasons to keep me at a distance. That was far from my desire. And so, it is that everyone has a misconception of the truth that only resides in you. I believe that’s why these types of writings are my favorite.

I’m trying to send a message to the Universe in the hope it reaches some corners of the world, or even the heaven where I know are some of those I miss and love dearly. Even if I never told them.

Shirly’s Evergreens

I must tell you the story about someone very dear to my heart. My client, beautiful and young, said goodbye to the ones she loved and needed her. In her early 30’s she had an entrepreneurial spirit and loved to encourage others to prepare and expand their careers.


She was entirely determined to make a name for herself soon after arriving in town. Back home, life was not conducive to the opportunities she needed to succeed. The last hurricane devastated the island and, with earthquakes every day, it was not the place to build a haven for her two teenage boys. She thought it was safer for them to come to America, not aware that soon the kids will be orphans.


Her husband and her arrived in town and started working long hours while finding time to explore the surroundings as a family. One day by recommendation of a previous client, she called me with her heart desires. I want to buy a house, she said. Can you guide us through the process with ease? I was thrilled to meet them. Through that transaction, we developed a friendship that lasted till the end of her days.

A year or so later, I helped her to find a contractor to remodel her new home. The contractor, a friend of mine, noticed she was not looking well, and he encouraged her to call me, and she did. Please help me find a lawyer, I heard at the end of that long and sad conversation. She took time explaining what the doctors told her about her condition. I need to prepare just in case. She never lost hope to beat that illness, not even for a second.


I still remember her tears when I came to her side. “I will beat this cancer, you will see,” she said, holding on to the hope of getting out of that terrible ordeal. I had her hands in mine, making sure we talked about her relationship with our Creator. I gave her all the love from our Heavenly Father through words combined with supplications to God for healing. Her mom looked strong while attending to her needs. She made sure to get her medicines at the right time. It broke my heart to see her mother’s face when she walked away from her daughter.

She looks so strong while in her daughter’s presence. Now I know where my dear Shirly got her courage. Her husband was without words but never left her side until she was gone forever. How can a young man cope with the loss of the woman he loves? I don’t think he was prepared mentally for the tragedy he was going through.


She is gone; we are all speechless and sad.

A year has passed, and I am back at the house. All her decorations are still up; her photos on the wall are silent witnesses of the beautiful couple’s love. I got to see her older son; he has grown so much after losing his mom. The younger one stayed in Puerto Rico with his family. I talked to Shirley’s mother for a long while. She could not hold tears; her heart is heavy, she misses her daughter immensely.


I still wait for her calls every day _she said. She used to call me at a particular time. The exact time when she took her last breath, she continued. I had no words to ease her pain. I just padded her back with tenderness. I was perplexed at her strength. Her husband got there a little later; he held his emotions while we talked about selling the home. I was taking pictures the next day, and we talked about the details of the transaction. Life can change in a moment.


Today her items are packed; all the boxes fill the room. Her oldest will take those precious mementos back to Puerto Rico. The husband will stay behind for a while. The young man wants to hold on to the things that remind him of her. It was tough to control my tears when I saw the furniture wrapped. They cried a lot that night while packing, her mom told me.

I still remember showing them houses, and when we got to the one with the beautiful evergreens surrounding the front. They quickly exclaimed; this is the one! It reminds me of Puerto Rico; it makes me feel at home _ they continued telling me that day.
The evergreens remind me of her. Fly high, my amazon warrior. Your memory is still with us.