YOU LEFT WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE AGAIN

It was at 11:29 pm on New Year’s Eve; our aunt messaged me to say you were gone. She finally found out. It was many phone call and messages from all over the country and Puerto Rico.

I am heartbroken and could not stop crying on New Year’s Day. I do not know where to start or how to make this letter make sense. I lose the trend of thoughts when I stop writing to wipe the tears from my eyes. You will never know I was asking for you for the past year.

No one seemed to know much of your life since you left our home. It was not the best time in our life when you left without saying goodbye. Very contrary to your arrival when we went to pick you up at the airport.

It took time to healed from the way things went down in my town. We loved having you around. Believe me, please. The vacation we took together to Universal Studios was great. Remember? My little five-year-old jumped in the pool. I am so glad you knew how to swim. Sorry about your wet cigarettes.

We built a small business and had many plans for you to thrive and stay with us. The dreams do not come together often. I understand it now. I wanted to get ahold of you to tell you how much I care about you and how sorry I am. I did not know where to call you, and I don’t remember you reaching out.

Did you ever forgive me? I hope you did. I can not tell you face to face, not even over the phone. Oh! It hurts so much. I finally talked to your sister, my dear cousin. No one knew you had died a month ago. We all were speechless, sad, confused, and a little angry. No one told this side of the family. How can I send this message to the universe? You had a great mind. Can you place an idea on how to reach you in my head?

I AM SO SORRY, JUNIOR! I AM SO SAD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU WERE SPECIAL. YOU ARE LOVED BY ALL OF US. DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE COVID. I HATE LOSING YOU.

I am screaming to the universe. I want you to know these things. Did I wait too long? I know you had pain and trust issues in your heart. I do not know who put them there but know that we, The García family loved you. You are our blood. You were not different than any on this side of the family. We all have our insecurities. You just wore them all in your heart.

Please, help me to stop crying. I can not finish what I needed to say to you today. I know there is more in my heart I need to break for tonight. I need to sleep. My eyes got swollen after crying so much. I will tell you more when I can think better. Today it is just hard. Tell my aunt, your mom, and my other aunts that we love them too. Tell Abuela and Abuelo we miss them; if you happen to see my father, brother, sister, and the rest of the family, hello from us. We think and love all of them, and now we miss YOU.