Life is all about the messy bits

I find myself reflecting on life’s shortcomings. Many people, like me, have a dream of a perfect family relationship, excellent work, and a great church environment. Ideals that are only living in the mind of a dreamer. Life, on the other hand, is a series of ups and downs.

It took me a long time to realize that it would never be a consistent as I wanted. I can thank my husband for pointing it out many times before I accepted. I am a fixer. I like situations to work out for the best. Not being able to reach a mutual understanding caused me a lot of anxiety.

I can talk things through, expose my reasons and accept defeat when proven wrong. That’s not the case for other people. As a Real Estate Agent, I have learned to prove my points by showing my clients proof of my assessments and recommendations. I want not only to tell people what but also why.

Relationships are a lot of work and will not grow unless everyone makes an effort. I’m growing older, and lately, I have given up on having perfect relationships. It is what it is; life is full of conflicts you can’t solve. The messy bits in between the good times add flavor to an otherwise stagnant and boring life.

The messy bits also allow you to learn about yourself and grow in knowledge and lots of patience. I have learned so much about myself in the last few years, just letting the dark times of life be what they are: a time to reflect on the reasons behind the situations and accepting that some will never be better. We all see things in different lights; let others’ light shine through as well.

Our dreams are not everyone’s dreams, and finally, to each their own. Oh, how liberating it is to allow everyone to do as they want, need, or desire just because they are entitled to do as they feel. Letting them go through the process will allow them to better prepare for life.

You can’t help everyone, and some will not let you anyway, no matter how much experience you have. I have learned to embrace the messy bits and wait patiently for the glorious light that comes after the teaching moments.

I’m strong despite living with Anxiety

Social Media can be a devastating destination for many who will encounter the wrong information. Sinister “friends,” or aggressive and opinionated people can cause your more headache than you need. Everyone has a view on life. The experiences you encounter while growing up, your influencers, and acquaintances help you develop the glass color lens to see the world. Since I was young, I had a strong opinion about many things. I probably didn’t have a firm conviction; what was important is that I thought I was right. Wow! Was I ever so wrong?

I had no issues expressing myself; my opinions always found a way to escape my young and immature mind to whoever wanted to hear. This quality of mine made me unpopular. I didn’t realize how wrong I was until recently. I was wrong not on all my views but in wanting people to see things my way. We all validate what we know as we see fit.

We all have a personal agenda. We may be seeking profit, an influential platform, or just for the simple fact that we want to be correct. Whichever your motive, it should never be a standard to enter in your circle. I realize through social media how animate we are about proving others wrong. It’s okay. Even the internet opinionated people are part of the life process.

We are in the sharing information era through multiple platforms. Today I found a post that had nothing to do with promoting any position about life. This post was about living life with anxiety. I guess the internet is also a way to cry aloud in the hope of sympathy or support. Nothing wrong with needing a word of affirmation. Good comments in a time of crisis could help more than we will ever know.

This person is my client, and although I wanted to say something about how I have lived with anxiety and panic since I was very young, I didn’t! See, I’m older now, and after realizing how part of my anxiety has to do with rejection, I opted to stay away from the subject. I don’t want some ill-intentioned person to say something to hurt me directly.

Nevertheless, here is this post in case it reaches someone, somewhere, someday. I live with anxiety every day of my life since I can remember. I used to pass out every time the nurse draw blood or the dentist injected the anesthesia. I pass out because I didn’t want the food at the public school or because I have a prolonged stomachache. As an adult, I can ride with someone in the car; I must drive. I still have anxiety when I go, but it is easier for me to cope.

Many years ago, I hated to fly, but I did. I never thought about cruising, but I just came from my fourteen cruises, and I will go back in December. I forced myself to succeed in business and my personal life. I understand now that I was probably too opinionated, too strong on my views, altogether too strong, but that strength has carried me here. Being assertive is not wrong. Allocating your strong opinions, whether you are right or not, without wisdom is.

I’m now quieter, more a thinker. I live my life and see the world from a different color lens. I hope I’m not late to mend the fences I took down along the way. I didn’t mean to prevail; I thought I was right and wanted to help. I wanted to be a part of your life and see you move forward. Despite my flaws, I wanted to see you soar. I’m sorry!

You feel better if you share it!

It’s proven time and time again that finding common ground helps to strengthen different kinds of relationships. While many focus on hiding the ugly face of facts, others find common ground while sharing life’s reality. Whether it is out of shame or survivorship, we all have a gap in our story. It’s a dark hole impossible to fill with all the happy memories. Sharing personal experiences with the wrong crowd can be catastrophic, but finding somebody who can listen and relate to us is a blessing. I hope you find a particular person that allows you to be open and honest without hurting you further in the process.

Se ha demostrado una y otra vez que encontrar puntos en común ayuda a diferentes tipos de relaciones a ser más  solidas. Mientras que muchos se centran en ocultar la cara fea de los hechos, otros encuentran puntos en común mientras comparten la realidad de la vida. Ya sea por vergüenza o por supervivencia, todos tenemos una brecha en nuestra historia. Es un agujero oscuro imposible de llenar con todos los recuerdos felices. Compartir experiencias personales con la gente equivocada puede ser catastrófico, pero encontrar a alguien que pueda escucharnos y relacionarse con nosotros es una bendición. Espero que encuentres a una persona en particular que te permita ser abierto y honesto sin lastimarte más en el proceso.

WARNING TO THE RISK TAKERS!

Negative feelings can invade the way you treat your fellow man. It is a slippery slope that will change your values and compromise your integrity. 

Once you begin to jeopardize ethics in your personal and business life, the result could be the loss of a positive public image, which will affect your ability to expand your business or promotions in the labor sector.

Who knows if the consequences could lead you to lose your freedom. Don't compromise your values for a handful of dollars!

Los sentimientos negativos pueden invadir la forma en que tratas a tu prójimo. Es una pendiente resbaladiza que cambiará tus valores y comprometerá tu integridad.

Una vez que comience a poner en peligro la ética en tu vida personal y empresarial, el resultado podría ser la pérdida de una imagen pública positiva, esto afectará tu capacidad para expandir negocios personales o promociones en el sector laboral.

¡Quién sabe si las consecuencias podrían llevarte a perder la libertad. ¡No comprometas tus valores por unos puñado de dólares!

BE FAIR!

We can be guilty of hurting innocent people when we make them the target of our anger.

I was recently discussing this issue with a young mother in my family. I told her that youth brings with it the energy to engage in unnecessary rivalry and hatred.

Maybe, is the hormones in an uproar; who knows. In short, it won’t be until very late in life that they will realize how ridiculous it is to keep the flame of discord alive.

In the meantime, we are the targets of their ignorant confrontations that lack any shred of evidence about the reason to be mad.

May God help us because, with these conflicts, we affect not only the adults in our family but also innocent children.

Podemos ser culpables de herir a personas inocentes cuando las convertimos en el objeto de nuestra ira. Recientemente estuve discutiendo este tema con una joven madre de mi familia. Le dije que la juventud trae consigo la energía para participar en una rivalidad y odios innecesarios.

Tal vez, las hormonas están alborotadas; quién sabe. En resumen, no será hasta muy tarde en la vida que se darán cuenta de lo ridículo que es mantener viva la llama de la discordia.

Mientras tanto, somos el objeto de sus confrontaciones ignorantes que carecen de cualquier prueba sobre la razón para estar enojados.

Que Dios nos ayude porque, con estos conflictos, afectamos no solo a los adultos de nuestra familia sino también a niños inocentes.

USE YOUR GOD-GIVEN AND UNIQUE DIFFERENCE TO IMPACT THE WORLD AROUND YOU!

We all have things that could be considered a handicap or obstacle to succeed in what we want to pursue. How do you conquer yours? Mine was a language barrier, low self-esteem, and feelings of rejection. I didn’t feel like I could measure up or be accepted. These are childhood traumas that had been hard to overcome. Today I am a top producer. My clientele is based on the fact that I speak another language. The very reason I thought it would be impossible to succeed.

HOPE AGAINST WINTER BLUES

Some days are intolerable, and I struggle to keep my head above water.
The weather forecast is not promising, and the cabin fever is overtaking my emotions.
How do you battle the thoughts in your head? Those thoughts are not your reality. They are only lies, determined to overpower you.

When the thoughts are more potent than your willingness to see them as what they are, fake, they can take you into a dark tunnel. Feed your mind with encouraging words from a good book or the Word of God before you spiral into a never-ending rollercoaster ride.

This thought will subside when the sun is out, and you get to resume life. If you can not find your way back to reality, seek help before it is too late. Determinations made during these trial times could be irrevocable. Speak to that thought with authority and keep them under your feet. They are not more influential than the Spirit that lives inside you.

Call to the Lord in prayer, and don’t give up hope. These hard times will not last forever. Christ died to assure that in Him, you are victorious. Claim your victory and shut down confusion and doubt now.

Here are some ideas you can do to help improve your mood.

Seek professional help if sadness starts to interfere with your everyday life.

  • Go for a walk, or go shopping. A combination of both will be great.
  • Get out and enjoy the sunlight as much as possible.
  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a trusted friend.
  • Keep a healthy diet.
  • Wait, confident that you will be better. It takes time to get out of a depression episode.
  • If you have thoughts of suicide, Call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

You are not alone; help is a call away. There is no shame in reaching out for help.

IS YOUR HUT ON FIRE?

There was a man who lost his way at sea. Crashing his boat on a desert island shore, he built a Hut with the wood he managed to salvage from the wreckage. After a while, he adjusted to being without the glitz and glamour of his previous life. One day his Hut caught on fire, and he cried out to the Lord. Why are you allowing this to happen? The Hut is all I have left. Soon after he cried out, a Ship got close to the shore. We came to rescue you, they shouted, to his surprise. How did you find me? He asked. We saw the smoke of the fire you build to alert us (or so goes the story)

It came from nowhere and when we least expected it, how our lives had been turned upside down in a matter of hours, maybe minutes. It was probably a decision we took to better ourselves, or so we thought. Our plans didn’t turn as good as we wanted, and now we ask why.

While merged in depression and despair, we isolate ourselves from others. The ones we open up to can’t help, and the others don’t care enough even pray. We look for answers, but they don’t come fast enough to quench our pain. Oh, Lord, my Hut is on fire, and we cry out in desperation.

Remember to offer your tears as a burnt offering at the altar. The smoke will rise to Heaven as you cry. The answers from Heaven will soon reach you, just like the ship reached the shore to rescue you. Don’t let your Hut catch fire in vain.

Regrets

“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today”

Will Rogers

I often think about the good old days and the days I remember with feelings of regret.

People surrounding you, the ones you do not get to see, may often have an idea about you somewhat far from the truth.

People find you strong because they know your story. You are still standing and, that is how a strong person prove itself. At least according to them.

You had no choice but to move forward. You accomplished almost everything you dreamed of. That is great, but it is not the total picture of who you are and the regrets you carry in the deepest parts of your heart.

We have created a facade from the life we want everyone to see, although behind closed doors we take the mask off. (Very much like the reality these days). In our private rooms, we allow the real us to stand up. It is understandable. We do not want pity or murmurings.

We put on our best smile at work, in front of friends and, church events. No one cares about your story. Why would you tell? That is our mentality and in many instances we are correct. Very few people have time to hear or be interested in what you need to say.

When they ask you in the morning; how are you doing? It is just a greeting, please go on and say that you are okay. There is no time to sit down and chat about your situation, your drama, or your feelings. That only brings them exasperation.

Why I find myself writing about things that happened long ago? I believe some of those memories haunted me as regrets until recently. Thank the Lord for a breakthrough! Thinking and pondering about the reasons and the root of many of my issues I learned it is all too common for many of us.

I regret not taking my father to get the mail without complaining, or not understanding my mother when she did not have time for me. She was busy and I could not see it until I raised my kids. A kid has an infinity of free time. You do not notice it then, but you did not have time for your parents either. You wanted your needs to be met. Yes, you were selfish when you were young.

How did you change when you became a parent? Maybe we did not change much at all. Too busy, too preoccupied about the responsibilities. A little selfish in our free time. I wanted to do my things; cooking, cleaning, crafting and, be at church every Sunday.

I took the kids camping, we fished, enjoyed vacations and many other things. I was not as busy as my parents working at the farm. Then again, time seemed never to be enough to meet the little ones’ requests.

I wish I had put my chores to the side and spend more time hugging and playing. Now they are grown, with families and careers on their own. We are close, we share, and we love each other. No doubt our relationship is good, but sometimes I wish I could do it all over again and changed how I allocated my time when they were little.

I find myself telling them to pay attention to the matters I missed while raising them. I am afraid they will regret not spending precious time with their kids as I sometimes did when raising them. I found the courage to asked them for forgiveness in case I ever lacked on showing them love or affection. You are alright, they say with a smile.

I am intentional these days in how I interact and find ways to give them time and affection. Maybe I will make up for some of the time I missed when I was younger and eager to accomplish my desires, passions, and things I wanted to learn.

Writing about my feelings allowed me to cry, think, evaluate and, understand those feelings a little better. I needed to forgive myself, just as I need to understand and forgive others. I cannot change the past, but I can start afresh. We all made mistakes, and we will make them again. It is life and not perfect.

Asking someone for forgiveness does not mean that you will get it. Do your due diligence and let time bring reconciliation if it is the time to happen. Get your heart right with yourself and with God. Living with regrets is debilitating and counterproductive. Express who you are and let your feelings show.

Do not hold your compliments, your words of encouragement, or expressing love. If you do, you may have missed a precious opportunity. I know I did, and it took me a long time to forgive myself.

Be blessed and free of regrets.